I have never been an avid fan of the television, it seems to me you have always had to dig endlessly through the piles of nonsense in order to entertain yourself for a short burst, only to be left with a feeling of injustice, wondering what i might have achieved in that last hour of my life had i not been so concerned with other peoples.
That said, occasionally a programme will be unveiled that genuinely keeps me entertained, but more importantly wanting more. The BBC's "The Apprentice" for example is a masterstroke. There is something so warming, so fulfilling about watching the most driven, emotionally cold and self centred people that the BBC could filter out and herd together, fail and subsequently have their egos shattered by a man who they know is not as qualified nor as well spoken as them, but is worth more than all their and their families insignificant lives collectively. As if this were not enough, these robotic, clone like egos, that are all fighting for the same thing, are smashed together under the same roof for 14 weeks. It's engaging in the same way as a bull fight is, noone is there to see the fighter's success, but rather the expression on his face and the shitting of his pants as he realises the imminence of his finality. However for all its fruits, the tv also provides some of the worst, shit-grippingly bad 'entertainment' that I've have ever been so unfortunate enough to bear witness to. In Particular is one show, a children's programme that made me nauseous whilst also providing me with a sense of such overwhelming anger.
I am of course referring to ITVs "Boohbah", a series that ran from 2003-2005. It is near impossible to provide you with a clear outline of the plot or conceptual idea behind this insanity, given the choice of the two, I'd sooner attempt to write out the Magna Carta with my head than embark on unravelling the reason for the Boohbahs existence. I will however clench my jaw and describe it to you. It consists of five furry, bright-coloured, gumdrop shaped bastards, with hairless eggheads and wide eyes, prancing about a blank environment. Their frustratingly symmetrical heads have the ability to retract into their weeble like bodies, in a way that can only be compared to the tip of a penis being covered by its foreskin. The Boohbahs do not speak also. Instead, they make noises; squeaks and squeals. When they are not dancing about aimlessly, they tend to involve themselves in what can only be described as cult like behaviour; linking of hands in a circle and chanting with their unbearable, dissonant shrieks.
Watching the show, as i did, for the full twenty five minutes, provided me with an experience that i imagine is exactly similar to taking LSD or some other heavy, hallucinogenic drug. Without actually altering chemical workings in my body, it had the effect of destroying my emotional balance, of tearing apart my mental and cognitive processing to the point where i wanted to urinate up my walls, and left me questioning my existence and the existence of all around me.
Perhaps then i shouldn't have watched it. Indeed, it is not aimed at teenagers. But on reflection, this was the most shocking part of the 'Boohbah phenomenon'. It is aimed at children! The most impressionable and innocent among us, and this is what tv is saying is reality to them. It is little wonder that at each generation, the youngest band gets blamed for all of society's shortcomings; there is a clear and direct correlation between this apparent 'steep decline in good and respectable behaviour' and the quality of children's shows. I remember when "Captain Scarlet" used to fight off the peddlers of arseholery and when "Thomas The Tank Engine" used to sort out the moral and practical issues between his locomotive friends. They provided such examples, they laid down what was right and wrong, good and bad, from the very start of a persons life. Instead, now children are left with a collection of mute entities, that look like they are out of a sex store, that stimulate their visual receptors with jazzy colours, but do little else. All they have to build their sense of morality on is colours and noises. If you showed Knife crime offenders an episode of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", they would realise which side they were on, and soon change their ways.
I find my self weighing up what would be better for my (hypothetical) child's needs and moral building. I think i would rather allow my three year old to experiment on any of the Grand theft Auto series. Perhaps i could show them how to violently kick the already bullet wounded remains of a prostitute, in order to reclaim the money we have just spent on receiving some ambiguous sexual action in a freshly stolen vehicle; in order to learn the value of money of course. Is this lesson
It is a shame that the Boohbah's reign has come to an end however. Yes it is. It seems somewhat of an injustice that they were never hideously beaten on screen, tied up and burnt for all to see. There is something gratifying about the thought of the Boobahs being gunned down on the streets on London. Perhaps it is the irony, for it is they who i am (temporarily) blaming for recent increases such crime.
If this has not convinced you, you think the Boohbahs are innocent, fun and of benefit to children, please allow a little time to visit their website and experience, first hand, the madness that they provoke. However, let this be a warning to you, it is not a friendly environment, the dissonant, high pitched noises drill deep in to your ears and the hallucinogenic colours into your retinas. I would not recommend more than three minutes.
http://www.boohbah.com/zone.html
That said, occasionally a programme will be unveiled that genuinely keeps me entertained, but more importantly wanting more. The BBC's "The Apprentice" for example is a masterstroke. There is something so warming, so fulfilling about watching the most driven, emotionally cold and self centred people that the BBC could filter out and herd together, fail and subsequently have their egos shattered by a man who they know is not as qualified nor as well spoken as them, but is worth more than all their and their families insignificant lives collectively. As if this were not enough, these robotic, clone like egos, that are all fighting for the same thing, are smashed together under the same roof for 14 weeks. It's engaging in the same way as a bull fight is, noone is there to see the fighter's success, but rather the expression on his face and the shitting of his pants as he realises the imminence of his finality. However for all its fruits, the tv also provides some of the worst, shit-grippingly bad 'entertainment' that I've have ever been so unfortunate enough to bear witness to. In Particular is one show, a children's programme that made me nauseous whilst also providing me with a sense of such overwhelming anger.
I am of course referring to ITVs "Boohbah", a series that ran from 2003-2005. It is near impossible to provide you with a clear outline of the plot or conceptual idea behind this insanity, given the choice of the two, I'd sooner attempt to write out the Magna Carta with my head than embark on unravelling the reason for the Boohbahs existence. I will however clench my jaw and describe it to you. It consists of five furry, bright-coloured, gumdrop shaped bastards, with hairless eggheads and wide eyes, prancing about a blank environment. Their frustratingly symmetrical heads have the ability to retract into their weeble like bodies, in a way that can only be compared to the tip of a penis being covered by its foreskin. The Boohbahs do not speak also. Instead, they make noises; squeaks and squeals. When they are not dancing about aimlessly, they tend to involve themselves in what can only be described as cult like behaviour; linking of hands in a circle and chanting with their unbearable, dissonant shrieks.
Watching the show, as i did, for the full twenty five minutes, provided me with an experience that i imagine is exactly similar to taking LSD or some other heavy, hallucinogenic drug. Without actually altering chemical workings in my body, it had the effect of destroying my emotional balance, of tearing apart my mental and cognitive processing to the point where i wanted to urinate up my walls, and left me questioning my existence and the existence of all around me.
Perhaps then i shouldn't have watched it. Indeed, it is not aimed at teenagers. But on reflection, this was the most shocking part of the 'Boohbah phenomenon'. It is aimed at children! The most impressionable and innocent among us, and this is what tv is saying is reality to them. It is little wonder that at each generation, the youngest band gets blamed for all of society's shortcomings; there is a clear and direct correlation between this apparent 'steep decline in good and respectable behaviour' and the quality of children's shows. I remember when "Captain Scarlet" used to fight off the peddlers of arseholery and when "Thomas The Tank Engine" used to sort out the moral and practical issues between his locomotive friends. They provided such examples, they laid down what was right and wrong, good and bad, from the very start of a persons life. Instead, now children are left with a collection of mute entities, that look like they are out of a sex store, that stimulate their visual receptors with jazzy colours, but do little else. All they have to build their sense of morality on is colours and noises. If you showed Knife crime offenders an episode of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", they would realise which side they were on, and soon change their ways.
I find my self weighing up what would be better for my (hypothetical) child's needs and moral building. I think i would rather allow my three year old to experiment on any of the Grand theft Auto series. Perhaps i could show them how to violently kick the already bullet wounded remains of a prostitute, in order to reclaim the money we have just spent on receiving some ambiguous sexual action in a freshly stolen vehicle; in order to learn the value of money of course. Is this lesson
It is a shame that the Boohbah's reign has come to an end however. Yes it is. It seems somewhat of an injustice that they were never hideously beaten on screen, tied up and burnt for all to see. There is something gratifying about the thought of the Boobahs being gunned down on the streets on London. Perhaps it is the irony, for it is they who i am (temporarily) blaming for recent increases such crime.
If this has not convinced you, you think the Boohbahs are innocent, fun and of benefit to children, please allow a little time to visit their website and experience, first hand, the madness that they provoke. However, let this be a warning to you, it is not a friendly environment, the dissonant, high pitched noises drill deep in to your ears and the hallucinogenic colours into your retinas. I would not recommend more than three minutes.
http://www.boohbah.com/zone.html
No comments:
Post a Comment