Whomping Willow

Whilst i knew 'bad things' are supposed to come in threes, i did not realise it applied to the diabolically shit also. At a time when music seems to be straight-jacketed down and banged up in a cellar somewhere, Will Smith's daughter seized the opportunity to break into the perpetual corruptness that came to replace it.

The song itself is nothing but exquisite agony. It's much like a fire alarm; piercing and unrelenting. The same seven words are sung in a high pitched synthetic cycle until you are left dribbling on the floor with your nerves destroyed. Strike one then; the song is terrible, even by 2011's depressingly low standards.

Perhaps it's lyrical prowess will make up for it, delivering poetry and beauty in equal measure. Then again perhaps not. What are those seven words then? "i whip my hair back and forth". Not only are seven words repeated over and over like an air raid siren, the words are completely meaningless. Quite frankly, i don't believe for one second she whips her hair back and forth, no one does, because it's mental. It's a mental thing to do. There are countless things she does, trivial as they may be, but at least if she sung about them she wouldn't be lying, or sound insane. strike two, the song is meaningless debris, not even worth singing for the sake of singing.

Her father, Will Smith, is as good as a household name. He has worked hard at everything he has achieved and has done it all himself. His career has been an inspirational journey, full of determination, and now he stands that bit taller than the rest. This song, however, is a big black mark against his otherwise faultless name. Firstly, Smith admits how meticulous he is about his work, with anything with his name on it. Why then has he allowed this musical disaster to be created, aired and branded with his name? For a man whose music career was below par, you might expect him to have some say in his daughter's, to make certain that this time, it was perfection. Secondly, she is ten. Ten years old. Ten years of age. I don't think it is particularly acceptable to have her dancing around 'whipping her hair back and forth', dressed like she's straight out of Compton to music that is associated with fat, sweaty buffoons rubbing their disgusting bodies up against some helpless girl. It's a mature sounding song, played in clubs, not discos.

It is not as if the Smith empire are struggling for money. I struggle to fathom why he didn't say no, not yet. Why not foster her singing for a few more years, until she reaches sixteen, and then unleash her? By that time she'll be a better singer, she'll understand more about life and music, and she won't be remembered for this monotonous offal.